50 ways to annoy a metalhead

[Souleraser]

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them.
3. Hide their joint under their library card.
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot.
5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who.
6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway.
7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet.
8. Vaguely imply that you're stupid and would like their company for the evening.
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference.
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D.
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little.
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with.
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!"
14. Say "What is vinyl?"
15. Point out how bad personsexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more bad personsexual is Black Sabbath with Dio.
16. Tell them it all sounds the same.
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically.
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison.
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio)
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing.
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe.
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band.
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center.
24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch.
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique.
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder shits all over John Arch.
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent.
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep.
29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly.
30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh.
31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street.
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show.
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds.
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver.
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s.
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo.
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show.
38. Call Doro fat.
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling.
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being wiggers.
41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists.
42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it.
43 .Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years.
44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album.
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass.
46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff."
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them.
48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit.
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like (insert any band at all here)
50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke.

[dorian jane]

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.

..Only in America...

3. Hide their joint under their library card.

In Greece joints are bigger than a library card  :wink:

6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway.

Oh my god !!! ISN'T IT????  :laugh:  :laugh:

7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet.

...I already gave my soul to rock n' roll  :wink:

14. Say "What is vinyl?"

A kind of fabric??  

24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch.

 :evil2:  SHE DOES!!!

45.Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass.

 8) All hail to Lemmy being able to put out such great music without moving at all!!

46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff."

Hmmm, i thought this was the Doors....

[AngelOfMusic]

*giggles* I've seen this list before.  There are also "How to be a mallcore kid" lists and the like out there too.  I'll try and find one and post it.  Good job, AoP!

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.

..Only in America...
lol:

Sadly, that's true.  But I HAVE heard from other Europeans that they still get harrassed for listening to Metal.  So maybe it's STILL true for Europe, it's just not as obvious as it is in the US.

Also, Metal IS more acceptable here in the US, provided you listen to our crappy metal, that is.  Honestly, the US metal scene disgusts me.  The best metal comes from Europe.

[dorian jane]

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.

..Only in America... lol:

Sadly, that's true.  But I HAVE heard from other Europeans that they still get harrassed for listening to Metal.  So maybe it's STILL true for Europe, it's just not as obvious as it is in the US.

Yes, its' true, people do get harrassed by Heavy Metal music in Europe.But they don't combine devil with Heavy Metal -as far as i know and at least in Greece.In Greece they used to be offended more with the outfit than with the music...and the outfit has changed, it's not as radical as it used to be.Things changed a lot...

Also, Metal IS more acceptable here in the US, provided you listen to our crappy metal, that is.  Honestly, the US metal scene disgusts me.  The best metal comes from Europe.

Well.. Europe has always been a cradle ..  

[Mas]

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.
well............ devils are fairytales i know what i believe.

2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them.
LOL true!

3. Hide their joint under their library card.
uhm i am not sure

4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot.
Who the F*ck are they?

5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who.
Thats fine with me.

6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway.
No comment

7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet.
MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no way

8. Vaguely imply that you're stupid and would like their company for the evening.
No comment

9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference.
True

10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D.
For some its true

11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little.
LOL wahhahahhaha thats the best one of this list
 
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with.
This is not funny :-P
 
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!"
Absolutly True

14. Say "What is vinyl?"
A karpet?
 
15. Point out how bad personsexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more bad personsexual is Black Sabbath with Dio.
Nah they are to hairy (15 years ago)

16. Tell them it all sounds the same.
For some bands true

17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically.
True
 
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison.
Yeah i am realy wondering??????????? where is Poison?
 
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio)
Accept everyone choise

20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing.
Not true but......... i am not a Nightwish fan so yeah TRUE!

21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe.
They are dancers!

22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band.
LOL

24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch.
Well....................... That is realy bad

27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent.
50 cent is not that bad!

35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s.
Yeah well and Eminem was the Heavy Metal star of the 80s

37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show.
Ofcourse hehe
 
38. Call Doro fat.
Then i am fat too


44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album.
Uhm i was never into Metallica so.....

45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass.
Proberly i am wondering where he use he's right hand for

46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff."
......

47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them.
Because we are special

[Virvatuli]

Sadly, that's true.  But I HAVE heard from other Europeans that they still get harrassed for listening to Metal.  So maybe it's STILL true for Europe, it's just not as obvious as it is in the US.

Also, Metal IS more acceptable here in the US, provided you listen to our crappy metal, that is.  Honestly, the US metal scene disgusts me.  The best metal comes from Europe.

At least not in London. Yesterday night I was walking down the Baker Street, it was almost empty, and there was a group of guys coming towards me, and just few steps before me one of them raised his hand and made the "devil's sign" and yelled "Gothic baby, rock on!"... Yep, I looked around. Nobody there. I thought about it for some minutes, and decided to take it as a compliment

Numetal is more acceptable? Here those little suckers get killed by the true evil metalheads (Probably they just get laughed at...)

You're so right! Almost... The best metal comes from NORTH europe

[TexJoachim]

Definitely:
Rage
Blind Guardian
Iron Maiden
Judas Priest
Hammerfall
Dissection
Sentenced
Finntroll
Cradle of Filth

But also:
Kinetic (Greece)
Iced Earth (pre-Glorious Burden) (US)
Dream Theater (US)
Overkill (US)
Virgin Steele (US)
Slayer (US)

Seems there are good (as well as bad) bands all over the world.


Greetz,

Tex

[Mas]

I not agree with this, like TexJoachim said there is good music all over the world, Slayer is amazing, Overkill , Killswitch Engage, Jag Panzer!!!! is wonderfull and hell yes dont forget Dream Theater and Queensryche, but there is more if you want i make a list with US bands, Van Halen,  :wink:  :D and yeah there is bad music as well all over the world, it depend what you prefer to listen. There are very good dutch bands as well dont forget Epica, Gorefest, After Forever, Within Temptation and there is much more people never heard of,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[AngelOfMusic]

But in the US, while we have some good bands, we mostly have crap.  ALSO, most metalheads in the US don't listen to the bands Tex listed.  The ones that do, find their way to forums like this.

Let me tell you what's popular here in the US if you're a metalhead:
Slipknot
Mudvayne
KoRn
Evanescence
Adema
3 Doors Down
Mushroomhead
Trapt
The Used
System of a Down (I actually like them)
Disturbed (again, one I actually like)
Rob Zombie (also like)
Marilyn Manson
Orgy
Drowning Pool
Godsmack
Limp Bizkit
Linkin Park
Chevelle
Taproot
Kid Rock
And many others, but I won't list all of them here.  Full list can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Nu_metal_musical_groups

With a few exceptions, most nu-metal is trite, boring, and lacks any kind of discernable skill.  They ignore the guitar, using it almost purely as a rythem instrument, and it's almost always in drop-D.  They abuse/over-use the bass.  Now, I love bass.  Alot.  But not to the extent that these bands feel the need to use it.  Slap-style comes in handy, but there is such a thing as "too much."

The musicians with any skill in nu-metal are the drummers and the bassists, due to the overly-needy desire to sound "Badass" or in some cases "Evil."  Whereas in bands like Falconer, Nightwish, HammerFall, etc...everyone in the band has to be skilled because every instrument is treated as important. And as stated earlier, while we do have good bands here in the US, you'd be suprised just how often our metalheads harrass others for listening to bands that are not nu-metal.

[Mas]

I know the Nu and New metal is very populair in the US but i love some Nu Metal bands as well

I really like

Chevelle yeah Chevelle Rulez! I have talked with the brothers Pete, Sam and Joe after a gig here in Amsterdam.

TOOL (there is no cd i dont have)
A Perfect Circle
Disturbed
Unloco
Godsmack
Korn (old stuff)
Adema
Rob Zombie
Audioslave
Seether (but i think they are from southafrica and they sound more grunge)
Soundgarden


O yes and dont forget Black Sabbath (but they arent Nu metal) though i prefer Sabbath with Dio.

 :wink:

[TexJoachim]

Black Sabbath is a British band.


Greetz,

Tex

[Souleraser]

:lol2:

[Mas]

lol yes i know but england is not north europe , the thing is i just dont understand why people think all the good metal is from north europe, there is so many more music, nu metal is not my favorite metal style but its not bad music, its just what people like to listen.

[Souleraser]

lol yes i know but england is not north europe ,

But it's still definitely Europe, though it tends to prove the theory that it's just the "51st state" of the US. (Anyone willing to guess of which movie I'm thinking right now? )

the thing is i just dont understand why people think all the good metal is from north europe,

It's not "people" who think so, it's been Virvatuli who wrote so - and added an irony tag, which means "I didn't (completely/exactly) mean what I wrote". No need to take that statement so seriously

there is so many more music, [...]its just what people like to listen.

Right. That's why some people will for sure say that the best metal comes from the real Northern parts of Europe. Some of the best extreme metal indeed comes from there after all. It's their opinion, nothing more and nothing less, and it's just as justified as your sympathy for certain new metal or non-metal bands.

[Mas]

Yes AoP i take discussion about sorts of Metal serious, :wink:  its not because someone post a message here but there a lots of discussion at Metal forums about Nu metal. I dont think its fair. Even a lot of Death Metal heads are saying that Power metal is gay, i am sorry but music is still music and very very personaly. I listen all kinds of Metal, of course i have my favorites wich are the most of them are Power metal bands. I also think there is someting like a new Hype upcomming in the Metal Scene, the europe hype, well ok europe have good bands and they are populair at the moment but that doesnt mean there is lots of other good music in the US and even in Brasil or Japan.
 :D